Sunday School Lesson: Forgiving and Reconciling

Purpose: To teach us that forgiveness is the key to transforming broken relationships.

Scripture: 2 Corinthians 2:5-11 and 7:2-15

There is evidence that Paul wrote to and visited Corinth more than what is recorded in Acts and in the two letters to the Corinthians as we have them. There is a possibility that (especially in 2 Corinthians) what we have recorded in the New Testament is actually a composite of portions of several letters. We know from our recent studies of 1 Corinthians that there was some conflicts in the young church at Corinth and that Paul’s purpose for the first letter was to correct the church. We can also read between the lines and conclude that sometime between the letters that we have that Paul visited Corinth, called the "painful" visit based on the language used by Paul in 2 Corinthians 2:1. We also conclude that Paul wrote again to the church a letter known as the "tearful" or "severe" letter. This letter is mentioned by Paul in 2 Corinthians 2:4.

Paul began all his letters with a prayer of thanksgiving. Let’s begin this study of 2 Corinthians by reading Paul’s thanksgiving:

2Co 1:3-7 ESV
(3) Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,
(4) who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
(5) For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.
(6) If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer.
(7) Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.

What word is repeated most often in that prayer?

Depending on the translation the word is comfort, console, or help. These words are key to the entire letter of 2 Corinthians. Paul’s key words and ideas in this letter are comfort and consolation, trust and mistrust, and reconciliation and forgiveness. The main theme of 2 Corinthians is the healing of relationships and the restoration of community through forgiveness.

2Co 2:5-11 ESV
(5) Now if anyone has caused pain, he has caused it not to me, but in some measure--not to put it too severely--to all of you.
(6) For such a one, this punishment by the majority is enough,
(7) so you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow.
(8) So I beg you to reaffirm your love for him.
(9) For this is why I wrote, that I might test you and know whether you are obedient in everything.
(10) Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive. What I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for your sake in the presence of Christ,
(11) so that we would not be outwitted by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his designs.

2Co 2:5-11 MSG
(5) Now, regarding the one who started all this--the person in question who caused all this pain--I want you to know that I am not the one injured in this as much as, with a few exceptions, all of you. So I don't want to come down too hard.
(6) What the majority of you agreed to as punishment is punishment enough.
(7) Now is the time to forgive this man and help him back on his feet. If all you do is pour on the guilt, you could very well drown him in it.
(8) My counsel now is to pour on the love.
(9) The focus of my letter wasn't on punishing the offender but on getting you to take responsibility for the health of the church.
(10) So if you forgive him, I forgive him. Don't think I'm carrying around a list of personal grudges. The fact is that I'm joining in with your forgiveness, as Christ is with us, guiding us.
(11) After all, we don't want to unwittingly give Satan an opening for yet more mischief--we're not oblivious to his sly ways!


When Paul had made his "painful" visit there had been a ringleader to his opposition. This person had caused Paul and the church great pain. It is possible that this was the same man who Paul wrote about in 1 Corinthians 5, the man who was living in sin. This man had clearly personally insulted Paul. Paul had insisted that the man be disciplined by the church and disciplinary action had been taken, but some in the church felt that the punishment had not been severe enough.

The greatness of Paul can be seen in how he handles the situation. Paul never even calls the person's name in his letter. Paul essentially tells the church that enough is enough. The man has been chastised. Further discipline would only cause more harm. It might drive the man to despair, as the Message says: "you could drown him in his guilt." To do that would not be serving Christ and the Church, but would be offering an opportunity for Satan to take further hold of the man. The man needed forgiveness, acceptance, and comfort. Who would gain the most if this man were permanently separated from the Church?

What examples can we take from Paul of Christian conduct in the face of injury and insult?

1. Paul didn’t take the matter personally. It was the personal injuries that Paul had suffered that were of the most importance. Paul was more concerned with the peace of the church and the welfare of the troublemaker.

2. Paul’s motive in taking disciplinary action was not vengeance but correction. Paul didn’t wish to knock the man down, but to lift him up. Paul did not judge by the worldly standards of justice, but by the Christian standard of love. The purpose of church discipline is to restore a person to fellowship, not to banish them from the fellowship. The Christian duty is not to render sinners harmless by battering them into submission, but to inspire them to goodness.

3. Paul insisted that punishment must never drive a person to despair and never take the heart out of someone. The wrong kind of treatment is often the last straw that finally pushes a person into the waiting arms of Satan.

Have any of you ever witnessed a conflict in a church that caused deep rupture?

Did that situation find its way to forgiveness and reconciliation? If so, how?

One issue in most conflicts is that of personality. We find it difficult to focus on the issues of the situation and instead focus on the persons involved. Most conflict situations are either win/lose situations or lose/lose situations. How can a conflict be managed so as to make it a win/win situation?

When Paul wrote to forgive the offender, what seemed to be foremost in his mind?

Paul was not concerned with his own vindication, but was genuinely concerned with the welfare of the antagonist and did not want that person ostracized by the community. The welfare of the community was first in Paul’s mind.

Just As I Am

Just as I am, without one plea,
But that thy blood was shed for me,
And that thou bidd'st me come to thee,

Just as I am, and waiting not
To rid my soul of one dark blot,
To thee, whose blood can cleanse each spot,

Just as I am, though tossed about
With many a conflict, many a doubt,
Fightings and fears within, without,

Just as I am, poor, wretched, blind;
Sight, riches, healing of the mind
Yea, all I need, in thee to find,

Just as I am: thou wilt receive,
Wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve,
Because thy promise I believe,

Just as I am, thy love unknown
Has broken every barrier down;
Now to be thine, yea, thine alone,

O Lamb of God, I come.


What effect would these words have on an argument if in the middle of the argument those arguing were to stop and read or sing them before carrying on?

The context of this passage is church discipline, the church calling a person to task for some action. What situations might call for church discipline? We all sin every day. What sins are worthy of church discipline?

What is the ultimate purpose of church discipline?

Reconciliation.

Which would be more difficult, the discipline or the forgiveness?

What should be the guiding force in correcting a fellow believer?

Counselors say that unresolved guilt is one of the great destroyers of relationships. When we feel guilty, we have a spiritual malaise that can incapacitate us. Yet guilt is caused by recognition of sin, and we all have sin in our lives. How, then do we escape the debilitating effects of guilt.
The effects of guilt can only be released through forgiveness. God desires that we be people of forgiveness.

In the early days of the Methodist movement church discipline was at the center of every society or band meeting. In order to join a Methodist society, persons were required to demonstrate only one condition: "a desire to flee from the wrath to come, to be saved from their sins." Those who desired to continue in a society however, were expected "to evidence their desire of salvation, first, by doing no harm...secondly, by doing good... thirdly, by attending upon all the ordinances of God."

Society members submitted themselves to "examination" at every society meeting as to how well they were upholding these standards. If found lacking, they were removed from the society or placed in special bands for penitents.

Charles Wesley was especially adept at exposing those who lacked the discipline necessary to be included in the more experienced Methodist bands. In one instance, Wesley found it necessary to "put away" sixty-four members who did not "walk according to the gospel."

Here is their list of offences:

2 for cursing and swearing
2 for habitual Sabbath-breaking
17 for drunkenness
2 for retailing spirituous liquors
3 for quarrelling and brawling
1 for beating his wife
3 for habitual, willful lying
4 for railing and evil-speaking
1 for idleness and laziness
29 for lightness and carelessness

2Co 7:2-11 ESV
(2) Make room in your hearts for us. We have wronged no one, we have corrupted no one, we have taken advantage of no one.
(3) I do not say this to condemn you, for I said before that you are in our hearts, to die together and to live together.
(4) I am acting with great boldness toward you; I have great pride in you; I am filled with comfort. In all our affliction, I am overflowing with joy.
(5) For even when we came into Macedonia, our bodies had no rest, but we were afflicted at every turn--fighting without and fear within.
(6) But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus,
(7) and not only by his coming but also by the comfort with which he was comforted by you, as he told us of your longing, your mourning, your zeal for me, so that I rejoiced still more.
(8) For even if I made you grieve with my letter, I do not regret it--though I did regret it, for I see that that letter grieved you, though only for a while.
(9) As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us.
(10) For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.
(11) For see what earnestness this godly grief has produced in you, but also what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what punishment! At every point you have proved yourselves innocent in the matter.

2Co 7:2-11 MSG
(2) Trust us. We've never hurt a soul, never exploited or taken advantage of anyone.
(3) Don't think I'm finding fault with you. I told you earlier that I'm with you all the way, no matter what.
(4) I have, in fact, the greatest confidence in you. If only you knew how proud I am of you! I am overwhelmed with joy despite all our troubles.
(5) When we arrived in Macedonia province, we couldn't settle down. The fights in the church and the fears in our hearts kept us on pins and needles. We couldn't relax because we didn't know how it would turn out.
(6) Then the God who lifts up the downcast lifted our heads and our hearts with the arrival of Titus.
(7) We were glad just to see him, but the true reassurance came in what he told us about you: how much you cared, how much you grieved, how concerned you were for me. I went from worry to tranquility in no time!
(8) I know I distressed you greatly with my letter. Although I felt awful at the time, I don't feel at all bad now that I see how it turned out. The letter upset you, but only for a while.
(9) Now I'm glad--not that you were upset, but that you were jarred into turning things around. You let the distress bring you to God, not drive you from him. The result was all gain, no loss.
(10) Distress that drives us to God does that. It turns us around. It gets us back in the way of salvation. We never regret that kind of pain. But those who let distress drive them away from God are full of regrets, end up on a deathbed of regrets.
(11) And now, isn't it wonderful all the ways in which this distress has goaded you closer to God? You're more alive, more concerned, more sensitive, more reverent, more human, more passionate, more responsible. Looked at from any angle, you've come out of this with purity of heart.

This section of 2 Corinthians picks up where Chapter 2 leaves off. In the chapters in between Paul deals with the nature of the gospel and how it affects the way we relate to people. This "interlude" lays the theological foundation for the practical advice concerning reconciliation that Paul discusses in Chapter 7.

In verses 4-7 one word (depending on translation) occurs five times. Did you notice?

It is the same word that we noted in Paul’s thanksgiving prayer from chapter 1. The word is comfort or console. Why do you think Paul used that word here?

What can we learn from Paul in this passage that could aid us in our own church and personal conflicts?

How would you define repentance?

Is repentance a sincere "I’m sorry"? Or is it more than that?

Repentance literally means to turn around, to go in a new direction. Repentance involves a changed heart and the resolve to change one’s behavior and to live differently.

Is repentance essential for forgiveness?

Why is it necessary for the offended party to forgive?

Christians cannot afford to write off offenders. Although reconciliation takes two parties, forgiveness can be practiced by the offended with or without repentance on the part of the offender. This will result in spiritual growth by the offended and make it more likely that the offender will repent and be restored. One of Satan’s devices is to accuse believers who have sinned so that they feel their case is hopeless. The Holy Spirit convicts us of sin so that we will confess it and turn to Christ for cleansing. Satan accuses us of sin so that we will despair and give up.

When an offending brother or sister is made aware of their offence and disciplined according to Biblical standards, then the church family must forgive and restore the member and if the member repents the matter must be forgotten and never brought up again. If the church family - or any person in the family - carries an unforgiving spirit, then Satan will use that attitude as a beachhead for new assaults against the church.

Paul spoke about "godly grief" and "worldly grief". What is the distinction between "godly grief" and "worldly grief"?

Godly grief results in a change of attitude and heart and changed behavior. Worldly grief is simple regret. Many people are regretful only for the effects of their sins or that they got caught. Worldly grief is self-centered and does not result in changed behavior.

Where is God in the process of forgiveness?

Forgiveness is only possible when we draw on a love greater than our own. We cannot truly forgive until we have accepted God’s forgiveness.

I would like for everyone present to take a sheet of paper. On that paper I want you to write a hurt that still wounds you. Write the name of the offender or the situation. Below that I want you to the words:
Forgiven. Forgotten. Forever.

Now join me in the prayer on page 75 in our Adult Bible Studies book:

Dear God,
Help us to be a people of grace who forgive and forget.
Give us strength and courage truly to repent when we sin against you and other people in thought, word, or deed.
In Jesus name we pray,
Amen

Now one at a time let’s take these papers that we have written on and prayed over an place them in the paper shredder that I have placed in the center of the room.

Everyone experiences the pain of a broken relationship at some point. How can these relationships be healed and restored? Paul indicates that forgiveness is the key, and he rejoiced in his own reconciliation with the Corinthian church.