Life in the ICU

Last Sunday morning I was awakened by someone shaking my leg. It was Dr. Crenshaw. Dr. Crenshaw was the last person I saw Saturday night as I fell asleep. Patty had slept fitfully. She was very frightened. We had ridden the ambulance to Thomasville and Patty was admitted directly into the ICU. Drs. Santos and Crenshaw met the ambulance there and immediately went to work with the nurses and respiratory people taking samples, installing IV’s, and trying to comfort Patty. Amy, the RN assigned to Patty very compassionately asked if I would like to stay in the room with Patty. This was a gesture of kindness that I was not expecting. Amy brought a very comfortable recliner and I settled in and tried to ease Patty’s anxieties. She was very frightened. Before leaving Donalsonville, Dr. Jeff Holley had explained to us many of the possible consequences of the severe pneumonia she had developed. These consequences were very frightening. I tried to reassure her that we were in a very good place with specialists, medications, and equipment to combat any complication that may come up. It is very difficult to calm someone who feels helpless and not in control.

As I jumped up, Dr. Crenshaw said, “We’re going to have to intubate her.” The Respiratory nurse had already injected the sedatives into Patty’s IV. The only communication between Patty and me at that point was the look of terror in her eyes. The Dr. asked that I leave the room. I went into the adjacent waiting area. The only other folks in the waiting area that morning were sleeping in their chairs. I was alone in a place foreign to me while my best friend and wife of 26 years fought for her life on the other side of those institutional doors which can only be opened from the inside. We were both prisoners at that point: Patty, bound by IVs, a breathing machine, and a hospital bed; Me, caged by helplessness, fear, and those ICU doors. I was utterly alone.

To be continued…….